Choices

And James thinks, this is what they mean, when they say love is falling.

Because he doesn’t know where the floor is.

Because he knows it’s going to hurt when they hit the ground.

“See, I think you might be though. Sometimes James, you shine so fucking bright I—I feel like I’m going to burn up.”

For a boy who walks around like he’s made of stone Regulus touches like the sun.

“Guess you weren’t looking,” Regulus says eventually.

It takes a moment for James to realize what he’s saying. “Maybe,” he answers finally, “but I’m looking now.”

“Sometimes I just wish,” Remus goes on, closing his eyes as he breathes out, “that I was someone else. Anyone else. Anything has to be better than this. Than me.”

“I need you to have some faith in me Sirius, alright?” Remus’s voice has softened a little, the pair of them staring at one another so intensely James feels like maybe he should leave the room.

“Moony,” Sirius says finally. “I’ll build you a bloody church if that’s what you want.”

They loved each other. They loved each other more than anything else in the world, more than power, more than glory, more than winning the war. I’ve never seen that in real life—never seen people love like nothing else matters. It aches but…in a good way, you know?”

“Why did you kiss me Sirius?”
The other boy looks lost. “I don’t know.”
Lie, James thinks, but he can’t tell if Remus spots it as easily.
Remus nods, resigned. “That’s what this is about.”

No, that’s,” Sirius gets to his feet too now, closing the distance between them but not touching. “You are important to me,” he says desperately, looking right into Remus’s eyes. “You are so important and I’m scared I’m going to lose you—scared I’m already losing you and I can’t handle that Remus, I can’t. It’ll break me. I just don’t know what to do here—what to do with—with whatever it is that’s happened—“
“You kissed me, that’s what happened.”

“Remus, I love you, I ever tell you that?” James says, smiling.
“Almost constantly James, it’s getting a bit much if I’m being honest.”
“Just waiting for the day you say it back babe.”