The Xenophobe's Guide to the Italians

regal to the robust,

ambivalent about their religion.

Every Italian town and village celebrates its own saint’s day. Milan takes the day off for St. Ambrose, Turin for St. John, Naples for St. Gennaro and Rome for St. Peter.

effect with levity

Italians are obsessed with security. They have to be for crime is rampant

There are no strings attached

If animals fit none of these categories then they can only serve one purpose, they must be for eating.

Italian children at an early age develop the key skills necessary for ‘getting by’.”

Italian males rarely leave the nest and, even when they do, these mammoni (Mummy’s boys) usually only move into the house across the road, or the flat next door.

Italian girlfriends and wives know that image is important to their men, so they let them think they are big, macho, decision-makers.