Improve Your People Skills

If you walk through the day and can’t find a single person to engage in friendly banter with, it’s not because everyone is “unfriendly” or “awkward”—it’s because you are

The world runs on self-interest, and understanding this will help you become the ultimate people person.

Think Win-Win

Human beings are motivated by self-interest, whether we want to admit it or not. A lot of us talk a big game regarding altruism, but deep down we have a fairly narrow range of self-interests. If you are completely honest with yourself, you will see that a lot of the seemingly altruistic stuff you do is actually selfish to some degree.

For instance, this is why we play the “Where are you from?” game and the “Oh! I spent some time there. Do you happen to know someone named Joe Johnson?” game when we first meet someone. We are innately seeking ways to imply understanding of each other, as it is the fast track to rapport and getting along. We want to show right off the bat that we are on the same page, and even think the same way

The bottom line is you have to take control over the whole process. Nobody’s going to do it for you. Pretend that there is an invisible gas tank that represents each social interaction you have. You are responsible for filling 100% of it. Resolve to start behaving differently tomorrow compared to the unintentionally lazy template you’re currently working with because obviously that template is not giving you the kind of results you want.

You need to take ownership of creating a good relationship, interaction, or other interpersonal situation. What matters is how you choose to respond to the external stimuli life throws your way. If you approach them with a sense of ownership, your chances of producing positive outcomes increase tremendously. You put yourself in a position where you can take action to make things turn out for the better.

If you walk through the day and can’t find a single person to engage in friendly banter with, it’s not because everyone is “unfriendly” or “awkward”—it’s because you are

Most people have the tendency to blame others for their failures and shortcomings, and doing so exempts you from responsibility and thus the ability to look at your own actions honestly so that you can improve

These are the same people who will tell you that things based on your opinion or tastes are just plain wrong. They aren’t malicious, but this behavior comes from a stunning lack of self-awareness

In these people’s minds, it’s unfathomable that people can have different beliefs and think differently from them. They can’t stand the fact that you disagree with their perspective or come to a different conclusion, and they attempt to patrol your brain for disagreeable beliefs and thoughts.