Read People Like a Book: How to Analyze, Understand, and Predict People’s Emotions, Thoughts, Intentions, and Behaviors

“actions speak louder than words”

Projection is a defense mechanism that can cause considerable damage and chaos if not understood for what it is. In this case, we place unwanted and unclaimed feelings onto someone or something else rather than seeing that they are a part of ourselves. We do not recognize our own “dark side” and project it onto others, blaming them for our shortcomings or seeing our flaws in their actions.

Even the least emotionally and socially intelligent people can learn something about other people if they engage with them long enough.

denial and rationalization.

If a person does the same unusual thing five times in a single short conversation, then that’s something to pay attention to.

dark exists because of light

we look for patterns.

Defense of the ego is a nasty habit, but it’s easy to recognize when you know of its insidious presence. Sometimes we can’t help it; we’re all human. But we can use this to our advantage by using it as a clear quantity to analyze people with.

Takeaways

look at a complicated machine and infer its operation and intended function, we can learn to look at living, breathing human beings and analyze them to better understand the what, why, and how of their behavior.

In the chapters that follow, we’ll be looking at many different models—these are not competing theories, but rather different ways of looking at a human being. When used all together, we gain a fresh understanding of the people around us.

What we do with this understanding is up to us. We could use it to foster a richer and more compassionate attitude to those we care about. We could take our knowledge and apply it in the workspace or anywhere we need to cooperate and collaborate with a wide variety of different individuals. We can use it to become better parents or better romantic partners. We can use it to improve our small talk, to spot liars or those with an agenda, or to reconcile effectively with people during conflicts.

The moment we encounter someone new for the very first time is the moment we most need to have well-honed powers of perception and analysis. Even the least emotionally and socially intelligent people can learn something about other people if they engage with them long enough. But what we’re focused on in this book is primarily those skills that can allow you to gather genuinely useful information about near-strangers, preferably after just a single conversation.

We’ll dig a little deeper into mastering the art of a snap decision that is actually accurate, how to make appraisals of people’s personalities and values from their speech, their behavior, and even their personal possessions, how to read body language, and even how to detect a lie as it’s happening.

Another caveat before we dive in: analyzing and reading people is about much, much more than simply having hunches or knee-jerk emotional reactions about them. Though instinct and gut feeling may play a role, we are focused here on methods and models that have sound theoretical evidence and seek to go beyond simple bias or prejudice. After all, we actually want our analyses to be accurate if they’re to be any use to us!

When we analyze others, we take a methodical, logical approach.

What are the origins or causes of what we see in front of us, i.e., what is the historical element?

What are the psychological, social, and physiological mechanisms that sustain the behavior you’re witnessing?

The Problem of Objectivity