Fear of Life

Take the case of the woman who in her relationships with men assumes a mothering role. The effect of this position is to infantilize the man and so to deprive her of sexual fulfillment. She may end the relationship feeling used and cheated and blaming the man's immaturity and weakness for its failure. Next time, she says, she will choose someone who can stand on his own two feet and not need to be mothered. But the next time turns out like the others. A strange fate seems to impel her into the very situation she is trying to avoid. She is driven to mother her men by unknown forces in her personality

me aware of the tension in his throat and chest and of how difficult it was for him to breathe deeply. I was

There are, then, two ways in which we program our fate. First, by our attitude and behavior, that is, by our character, we invite certain responses from others. If, out of fear of rejection, we are aloof and withdrawn, we should not be surprised if people keep their distance

Disorientation occurs when the mind is overwhelmed by a feeling4 that it is trying to control. As the feeling bursts through the protective barriers, the mind is swept off its foundations in reality. The person feels confused, estranged, and unable to orient himself. This disorientation may be momentary if, as the feeling subsides, the person recovers his footing, that is, his orientation in reality

Orgasm anxiety, that is, the fear of ego dissolution that overwhelms the neurotic individual at the approach of the full sexual climax, is perceived as the fear of dying.”

I had to counter the wish to do nothing. That effort expressed my will to live, which I mobilized against some deep-seated wish to die.

I have found this wish to die in every patient I have treated. In some it is weak, in others it is strong. Its strength is directly proportional to the degree that one is afraid to live. The inhibition of life is death. Every chronic tension in the body is a fear of life, a fear of letting go, a fear of being. It can be interpreted as a wish to die. This is different, however, from Freud's concept of a death instinct. An instinct is inherent in the

This analysis of Frank's situation led to a surprising conclusion, namely, that Frank was more afraid of living than of dying. His statement that he was afraid to die is also true because if a person is afraid to live, he is asking to die, and that is frightening. One could see in Frank's body the tightness in his chest, which severely restricted his breathing. He couldn't cry, he couldn't scream, and he couldn't reach out for love despite his evident emotional deprivation. His pelvis was tightly held, and its muscles were markedly contracted. The fear of castration was clearly discernible in this tension, yet Frank was unaware of this aspect of his

The neurotic person struggles to win over himself. In this, of course, he must fail. Failure seems to mean submission to an acceptable fate, but actually it amounts to self-acceptance, which makes change possible. To the degree that most people in Western culture are struggling to be different, they are neurotic. And since this is a fight one can't win, all who engage in this struggle will fail. Strangely, through the acceptance of failure, we become free from our neurosis

There is a similar unconscious conflict behind the behavior of the woman. That conflict is between her desire for a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship with a man and her fear of such a relationship. Mothering a man is her way of attempting to overcome her sexual anxiety, for it allows her to deny her fear of surrendering to a man. By acting as a mother, she feels needed and superior