Almond

It was their choice to have me, but that doesn’t mean that I have to accomplish the missions they’ve set up.

One of the symptoms of having small amygdalae is that you don’t know how it feels to be afraid. People sometimes say how cool it’d be to be fearless, but they don’t know what they’re talking about. Fear is an instinctive defense mechanism necessary for survival. Not knowing fear doesn’t mean that you’re brave; it means you’re stupid enough to stay standing on the road when a car is charging toward you.

The doctors diagnosed me with alexithymia, or the inability to express your feelings.

But for some reason, my almonds don’t seem to work well. They don’t really light up when they are stimulated. So I don’t know why people laugh or cry. Joy, sorrow, love, fear—all these things are vague ideas to me. The words “emotion” and “empathy” are just meaningless letters in print.

Even so, any mother’s anxiety would peak if their child hadn’t smiled by their fourth birthday.

He’s just more fearless than other kids.

That was how she described me in her diary.

He’s just more fearless than other kids.

That was how she described me in her diary.

Like a fairy-tale princess cursed to never smile, I didn’t bat an eye. And like a prince from a faraway land trying to win over his beloved’s heart, Mom tried everything.

I’ve decided to confront it. Confront whatever life throws at me, as I always have.

Life takes on various flavors as it flows.