Love, Theoretically

“Have you considered that maybe you’re already the way I want you to be? That maybe there are no signals because nothing needs to be changed?”

“Shall we Grubhub champagne and cupcakes? Celebrate that I won’t be polluting the shades of the Smith estate?”

“You think that’s the reason I’m happy?”

“You and Greg never dated. He doesn’t . . .”

“Jacky has a thing for you. Like, he stares all the time. And he asks so many questions about you.”

“Jacky, you can ask Elsie all those things you wanted to know.

And that’s when it occurs to me that the last time I met Austin Salt, he offered me seventy dollars to have sex with him.

“Are you turning yourself into what I want? Is that why whenever I’m with you, I . . .”

Because I’m afraid that if I hurt them with the truth, then they’ll leave me.

And I’d love to lie to myself and come up with a valid excuse, but the truth is, it’s because I’m a shithead. It’s because I want her for myself.