BSS: The New Rules of EQ. Using emotional intelligence to get ahead

Psychologist Daniel Goleman started the trend off in 1995 when he published a book called simply Emotional Intelligence.

• Interpersonal savvy. The third step to becoming a master of emotional intelligence is to identify and manage emotional states in other people. In today’s world, people don’t have to do something just because you tell them to. Even if you are the boss, they can choose to do it more slowly or to put less energy into it if they choose. So interpersonal savvy is the skill of finding out what makes other people tick so that you can influence and persuade them. A cynic might describe it as the dark art of pushing other people’s buttons and manipulating them to achieve your goals.

• Self-direction. Identifying our own emotions and how they affect people is a start, but the second step to becoming emotionally intelligent is to alter those emotions and set goals to your advantage. Because often the only difference that distinguishes winners from losers is their mental state. Knowing that you are angry or tired and unhappy isn’t very helpful. But being able to change your mood to one of calm or enthusiasm – now, that’s a worthwhile skill.

Self-awareness. The first step in becoming emotionally intelligent is to be able to identify moods and feelings in ourselves and understand how these affect other people. Many people are blind to the true impact that they have on others. We like to think of our own strengths and weaknesses in one way – but others often have a very different idea of how they would describe us.

Unless you are aware of what your goals are, why you want them, and how you are going to achieve them, you will not reach them.

The facts might have been that the client frowned while raising three queries about the presentation. But if you don’t know the client well enough, perhaps you don’t appreciate that he always frowns when he is concentrating. And how do you know that he doesn’t raise many more queries when listening to other presentations

Recognizing that you experience emotions is a first step to wielding them effectively. Recognizing the impact that you have on the emotions of other people is a vital step to influencing them effectively. And identifying your goals will help you to achieve them.

Thoughts lead to feelings and physical sensations. Feelings and physical sensations shape our behavior. And, in turn, behavior affects our thinking.
More importantly, positive thoughts lead to positive feelings and stable physical sensations. Positive feelings lead to successful behavior. And successful behavior leads to more positive thinking

Learning to distinguish between the facts and your interpretation/feelings will help you to become more actively aware of your emotions as a precursor to controlling them.

, I thought that I was a confident person who was good at taking charge in ambiguous situations. I was more than a little shocked when a colleague told me that the rest of the team thought I was a bit arrogant. And could I stop being quite so bossy please?