Erich Fromm

Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of

being loved, rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love.

this type of love is by its very nature not lasting.

The first step to take is to become aware that love is an art, just as living is an art; if we want to learn how to love we must proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we want to learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or the art of medicine or engineering.

But while recognizing their separateness they remain strangers, because they have not yet learned to love each other (as is also made very clear by the fact that Adam defends himself by blaming Eve, rather than by trying to defend her). The awareness of human separation, without reunion by love—is the source of shame.

While it is true that man’s productiveness can create material things, works of art, and systems of thought, by far the most important object of productiveness is man himself.

Birth is only one particular step in a continuum which begins with conception and ends with death. All that is between these two poles is a process of giving birth to one’s potentialities, of bringing to life all that is potentially given in the two cells. But while physical growth proceeds by itself, if only the proper conditions are given, the process of birth on the mental plane, in contrast, does not occur automatically. It requires productive activity to give life to the emotional and intellectual potentialities of man, to give birth to his self. It is part of the tragedy of the human situation that the development of the self is never completed; even under the best conditions only part of man’s potentialities is realized. Man always dies before he is fully born.

the assumption that the problem of love is the problem of an object, not the problem of a faculty.

Attractive” usually means a nice package of qualities which are popular and sought after on the personality market.

the confusion between the initial experience of “falling” in love, and the permanent state of being in love, or as we might better say, of “standing” in love.

Many of the ways to make oneself lovable are the same as those used to make oneself successful,