Robert M.Drake

2/20.

It hurts right now, you’re tired of going through the same old shit. Your heart is weary, but you’re still powerful. Strong enough to walk away, strong enough to make it without the person you thought you needed.

Your heart is aching, but you pose and smile in Instagram photos, pretending to have the time of your life. Deep down you’re hurting, trying things and nothing’s working, but you’ve grown accustomed to acting like everything is perfect. You’re worth it, maybe you just forgot. Maybe you’re in like or in love with someone who treats you like you’re not. Maybe your heart has fallen into hands too weak to hold it. Maybe you are too proud, too bold, too embarrassed to show it. Your soul aches beneath the weight of all this emotional pain. Your soul continues to crack as you continue to act as if everything is okay, but nothing is okay and most of what is wrong is now buried beneath the lies you tell yourself and others.

I just wish you could see yourself in the light, but you’re used to this, being left in the dark. Standing in the middle of chaos, trying your hardest to keep it together. Clinging to that relationship that should end, still hoping for a forever. You deserve so much more, and deep down you know this. Open your eyes, stand up, please focus. Understand each and every word. You are the reason I wrote this.

exit here.

All I wanted was for you to try. I was always asking for too much whenever I was asking you. Being made to feel needy by someone who didn’t need me. Believe me, I’ve gone back and forth with myself over all of this. Plotting ways to walk away in hopes of saving my own heart. Ripped apart by my own inability to see a life without you. Blind while with you, damp tissues next to the bed, I play back all the fucked-up things you said. Hurting my head while overthinking, sinking into a pit of all the shit I should forget. My greatest regret is that I didn’t leave sooner, couldn’t leave sooner. I let you trample upon my dreams, tearing me at the seams. Your love was never what it seemed or what you made it out to be. I believed lies wrapped in paper labeled “truth.” My life filled with drama the moment I gave my heart to you. Emotional abuse and plenty of excuses, hanging on your every word like several criminals in nooses. And now my soul is screaming, can you hear it? Will you listen? I can’t take this shit anymore, I found the door, fuck it, I’m finished.

the gift index.

You’ve got to work on yourself

day by day.

You’ve got to remember

that your entire life

is a work in progress.

That you’re going to have

bad days but also good ones

to balance everything out.

You’ve got to know

that sometimes you’re going to get

your heart broken.

While other times,

you’re the one

who’s going to be breaking

someone else’s.

You’ve got to accept

that nothing ever goes as planned

and that nothing is perfect.

You’ve got to realize

that what you feel

is never wrong

and you must always trust

your intuition

but also accept

the consequence of things.

You’ve got to know

that it’s never too late

to be where you want to be.

To become

who you want

to become.

To feel

what you want

to feel

and to love

the way you want

to be loved:

both freely

and without discrimination.

You’ve got to believe in this,

live by this,

and listen to your voice

when you have to.

In all shapes and forms.

You’ve got to empower

every human you love

and empower yourself

to be good

to those you don’t love.

To be good, you know?

And let everything that brings

the light closer to you,

and everything

that brings you peace .

in.

The way you need

to be loved

and the way you want

are two very different things.

One you can learn

to live without

while the other

will take a lifetime

to accept.

You have to listen to yourself,

to what you need,

feel,

to be willing

to lose yourself in

the kind of love

you deserve.

The birds fly.

The leaves fall.

The seasons change.

The wind causes friction

on my skin.

The sun rotates.

It hides.

It appears.

It shines

no matter what.

The oceans feel ease.

The waves flow,

and most of the time,

I am here,

thinking

about you.

In detail,

it’s about you.

About watering your own soul

the best way

you know how.

It’s about finding

your own truth—

about knowing

what kind of love

you deserve.

Life is too short

not to love yourself,

and in some sense,

you deserve to find

your perfect happiness,

no matter what kind

of lies

you’ve been told.

Don’t take yourself

too seriously.

Don’t spend your days

working too hard

and don’t spend your nights

overthinking

the future.

Don’t mistreat people

and don’t pretend

to be

something you’re not.

Don’t judge others

based on your own life

and don’t hold on

when there’s nothing left

to hold on to.

Don’t wait

if you’re not expecting

and don’t think you know

when you really don’t.

Don’t laugh

if you don’t want to

and don’t take people

for granted.

Losing people is hard.

Losing opportunities is hard.

Losing love is hard.

But losing yourself

in what hurts

is even harder

losing yourself

in what hurts

is even harder.

Just believe

that somewhere within you

there is a special kind

of light.

It is the kind

that can overcome

any kind

of darkness.

All you have to do

is close your eyes

and remember .

what it was like

when you were just

a little girl

because

that will always

represent

the best parts of me

and also

the best parts

of you.