Tony Humphreys

‘Given my past, what would you expect of me?’
‘My parents never cared for me.’
‘School was just a washout.’
‘It’s no wonder I am the way I am when you see my parents.’
‘The Church made fools out of us.’
‘Teachers never liked me.’

the prime need of people in our culture is to be loved, recognised, valued and accepted. Any threat to that emotional and social need poses great danger for people and so it is not surprising that, just as for physical threats, creative protections are developed to reduce or eliminate risks to emotional and social well-being.

In conditional interactions the unsafety that is created is due to the sad fact that you do not feel

loved for yourself, and the only way you can gain love is by meeting certain conditions.

My belief is that unless we resolve our own rejection of ourselves then we will continue to use the head (in the form of images and thoughts) to protect ourselves from hurt and rejection.

Your psyche is always highly aware of the need for safety and protection, not only from risks to its physical life but even more so from risks to its emotional and social well-being. As already pointed out, the prime need in our culture is to be loved and valued and when there are any threats to that raison d’être your psyche will find ways to protect you. The protective measures your psyche produces are highly creative and effective. But the sad reality is that if you are regularly or continuously trying to protect yourself from the possibility of failure and rejection, you cannot grow beyond the necessary protective walls you have created for yourself. Nevertheless, you would be very unwise to let go of any of these protections until you have found a level of safety where you are ready to move out and take on the necessary challenges that bring about desired changes.

is how I feel about myself, others, the world, the past, the future and the present that determines how I think

is more accurate to say that he had developed a cognitive strategy to protect himself from rejection by his parents.

It is more accurate to say that he had developed a cognitive strategy to protect himself from rejection by his parents.

common ‘negative’ thought pattern is ‘I hate going into work today’. Individuals who feel confident and competent do not think about their jobs in this way. When difficulties arise, they see them as challenges from which they can emerge more knowledgeable and, perhaps, wiser.