Wally Lamb

You could show a drive-in movie on that forehead of hers, I thought.

"I mean, I've been sleeping shitty. I get up in the middle of the night missing you. You know, needing you—more than just once a month. More than just for sex… And then I start thinking to myself, Well, what if she's just using you? Or what if one of these times it does take and we do make this kid? Where does that leave me, Dolores? I mean, shit, it boils down to an irresponsible act on my part when you get down to it."

"But you told me… You came over to this house and said—"

"Yeah, but the thing is, I love little babies. If we make one, I know I'm going to want to hold it. Play with its little fingers. Be its dad."

I got off the bed and grabbed my bathrobe. "Okay, fine," I said. "We won't do it anymore."

"What—? I can't tell you how I feel without you getting pissed off?"

"Of course you can tell me how you feel. I just wish you'd let me know before…"

"Why can't we just get married and make a baby like everyone else does? What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid."

"Then what are you?"

"Look!" I said. "My father used to beat up my mother! I had a husband who put me through the meat grinder and now one of my best friends has AIDS! I just don't believe in happily-ever-after. It's a crock of shit!"

"I know it's a crock of shit. I ain't offering you happily-ever-after. I'm offering you… happily-maybe-sometimes-ever-after. Sort of. You know, with warts and shit."

I made a picture of you once," I said. "Years ago, way before I ever even knew you. Your wire rims and everything."

"You did?"

"On my Etch-a-Sketch. A psychic told me to draw what would make me happy and I drew you.

Memorized you before I shook you free."

He pressed me closer to him. "So what's that mean?" he said.

"It means I love you. I'm proposing."

"Proposing what?"

"You and me. Marriage."

I looked up, saw the tears in his eyes. "Okay," he said. "Yes."

Love is like breathing. You take it in and let it out.

Jack Speight undid me, then I almost undid myself. But I've undone some of the bad, too, some of the damage. With help. With luck and love…

Life's absurd. Live authentically. Stop whining.