Micah Nemerever

“I don’t worry,” he protested, and when Julian looked skeptical, he dug in his heels rather than let himself be mocked. “I ruminate. They’re distinct actions.”
“Are they?” said Julian. “From this angle . . .”
“Worrying,” said Paul, “means you’re afraid it’s going to happen. Ruminating is when you know it will, if it hasn’t happened already. One is neurotic, the other

“I don’t worry,” he protested, and when Julian looked skeptical, he dug in his heels rather than let himself be mocked. “I ruminate. They’re distinct actions.”
“Are they?” said Julian. “From this angle . . .”
“Worrying,” said Paul, “means you’re afraid it’s going to happen. Ruminating is when you know it will, if it hasn’t happened already. One is neurotic, the other is fatalistic, and fatalism is supported by evidence. It isn’t the same.”

One corner of Julian’s mouth went a little higher than the other when he smiled; Paul remembered something he’d read in his art history class last semester, about how the Japanese believed there was something poignant and endearing about asymmetry

“Tell me you love me, at least,” he said quietly. “Please. I need to know somebody does.”

“I don’t understand why you haven’t tried it yet,” Julian said carelessly. He glanced at Paul’s mouth, so fleetingly that he might have imagined it. “I wouldn’t stop you, if that’s what you’re worried about. You could do anything to me and I’d let you.”

You can get away with anything,” Julian had told him beforehand, “as long as you act like an authority on the truth.”

“I’m going to push you off a cliff, you fucking Boy Scout.”

“Well, hop to it, then.”

Human consciousness was more animal than its arrogance liked to pretend; perhaps the opposite was true. Perhaps somewhere in the microscopic folds of its ganglia, the creature felt something akin to joy.

“I kill them because they’re beautiful, and it’s the only way I can keep them.”

“I don’t know how I can be the first person to notice how twisted you are.” Julian smiled coolly as he spoke.

“You’re the only one who’s never wanted me not to be.”