Wrwgwai, foul thobes and nightclubbing in Stoke

Pardew the discarded, Lamela the b*stard and Zlatan the great

Gentleman Ray and A Picture of Dorian Gray

Bubble baths, Bo Selecta and the brow

BONUS: 'Roma Nel Mito'

Karma, perfection and a commemorative gold pen

The secret of success, John Betjeman and Girls Aloud

Pressed plants, Danny Dyer and striped snakeheads

Wenger (over and) Out

Sleeping with one eye open and the Proudsville sausage