Arsenal’s new nadir, McTominay dominates, and the ballad of Royston Drenthe

VARce, Arsenal’s atrophication, and the battle of the bottom

Rubbernecking, chocolate legs and Jay Bothroyd

Allegri plays his hand, PSG’s meek surrender, and Dulwich Hamlet stay strong

Toxicity, complicity and pitchside relief

Troglodytes, chutzpah and conscription

Thirty-somethings, transferrable skills and Tedesco

The Costa Rica rule, the Ronaldinho doctrine and inherent Weiss

The Spy with the Cold Nose, Zlatan’s Galaxy Quest, and memories of that 7-1

Wrwgwai, foul thobes and nightclubbing in Stoke